What Do You Expect? She's a Teenager - Book Review
I do not have a daughter, but I am one.....
So, I was eager to read the new book, "What Do You Expect? She's a Teenager!" by Arden Greenspan-Goldberg, LCSW, BCD.
Well, that and the fact that my little cousin is in her "tween" years, so I thought it might help my aunt out!
This book is labeled as: A Hope and Happiness Guide For Moms With Daughters Ages 11-19.
Talk about a wide gap in the ages it covers!
In What Do You Expect, you get 15 Chapters filled with information on how to handle different situations.
This book is 326 pages of helpful items!
The Chapters Are:
Chapter 1 - Introduction to Aerial Parenting
Chapter 2 - Why Is She Like That?
Chapter 3 - Technology
Chapter 4 - Independence
Chapter 5 - Family Dynamics
Chapter 6 - School
Chapter 7 - Peers
Chapter 8 - Bullying
Chapter 9 - Dating
Chapter 10 - Sex
Chapter 11 - Body Image, Health and Personal Identity
Chapter 12 - Alcohol and Drugs
Chapter 13 - Mental Health
Chapter 14 - Special Needs
Chapter 15 - How to Choose a Therapist
No, I did not sit down and read it cover to cover, but I rather skimmed it, reading different inserts along the way.
There are a few things that I did agree with, but others I had a hard time seeing her standpoint.
Take for instance:
"Part of my parenting philosophy is an emphasis on no punishment when it comes to tweens and teens."
As a teenager, I would have LOVED knowing that my mom was reading a book saying NO PUNISHMENT.... But as an adult, looking back, there were times when punishment was the only way to get through...
Yes, I do see where she is coming from, as she is using it in context with a child missing curfew and the risk of getting in a car with someone who has been drinking to try and not miss it...
In that case, I see where she is coming from, but in general, if a teenager knows that there is "no punishment," I think boundaries will be pushed!
I 1 million percent agree with her thoughts on parents being the role model...
How can you expect your child to listen, if you are telling one thing, yet doing another?
Another point I really like...
"Answer the why," as stated, why's mean communication is going on!
Point taken!!!
Point taken!!!
Throughout the book, there are questions...
Sent to Arden, from real moms dealing with their personal dilemma...
Arden gives her opinion on how to handle it, as well as "SCRIPTS" on what to say.
Sent to Arden, from real moms dealing with their personal dilemma...
Arden gives her opinion on how to handle it, as well as "SCRIPTS" on what to say.
Once again, there are points that she shows that I never thought of, but then other times, I see it as something totally different from how I would approach it.
In my opinion, I think that this is a book that is good for advice to show different views.
Would I take her advice to use in my situation?
Maybe for some, but most likely, I would find a compromise in her opinion and mine.
Bottom line, as with all parenting, I say trust your "Motherly Instinct" you know your child better than you might think you do!
FTC Compliant Review Policy: The product(s) featured in this review were provided free of cost to me by the manufacturer or representing PR agency for the sole purpose of product testing. Opinions expressed are my own and are NOT influenced by monetary compensation.
my mother needs this :P
ReplyDeleteI saw her touting this on a link and was interested at first, then read her point about no punishment, googled for a snipit of the book and no longer am impressed. That's also how I found your blog. I'm sure there may be a few good ideas, but overall, she's just saturating the internet with her book. Which would be fine if she made sense. The following is my opinion, I realize it is not representative of all moms or those like me.
ReplyDeleteBeing a Christian mother, teen daughter at one time myself, having a 13 yr old daughter, 15 yr old daughter and seeing my 3 nieces ages 12, 18 and 20 grow up, I firmly do not agree with number 4. Who is she kidding? Punishment, which should be called discipline, does work, it sets boundaries, and establishes clear consequences for when those boundaries are overstepped. If you don't administer discipline you are not doing anyone a favor. Your child will not be prepared for the real world, and you are doing them a disservice by not raising them as instructed by God. It's a total crock to blanket a statement that teenage girls will not open up and trust you if you punish them. If you don't punish them, they won't know you expect more of them and hold them accountable in life. They will grow up not valuing your opinion or thoughts. Wrong answer.
A sample of the book here http://books.google.com/books?id=VaNUhNGkn0gC&pg=PA8&lpg=PA8&dq=Arden+Greenspan-Goldberg+no+punishment&source=bl&ots=FeGcajw0gl&sig=-u4CFfwgrkkSlrXxwweMrIuDnbg&hl=en&ei=cuB7Tuj2F8yatwe74bUF&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CB0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false shows she is not Christian based and gives examples of teens at a party riding home with a drunk driver to avoid punishment, and a teen on a website telling someone she is older than she is and how that doesn't deserve punishment. Sorry, but it does...and not that it wouldn't happen to "my kid" but no, my kid won't be at a party without a ride home before she goes or without clear instructions or supervision so she is not PUT into that situation. Also, she isn't allowed to be all over the web without being monitored. That will remain a rule so I don't have to deal with those situations (hopefully). What I'm saying is if you enforce rules or don't allow her to be put into those situations then you don't have to "hope" she comes to you. It amazes me how no one is accountable, yet they want exceptions for them dropping the ball. If you don't parent your children, then they will not know how to act or what to expect from you. If you prepare them well for situations, then you don't have to worry if things don't go as planned, you will know they had a good foundation with rules, expectations, and boundaries and they won't WANT to disappoint you. They will know that coming to you is what will help them, not give them an excuse to disobey or choose to do something they shouldn't.